for some a swear word.
Alongside, bad timing, the fear of commitment must be right up there as the best excuse.
Or is it a real thing?
In my life I have committed to a few things and lesser people, but I did commit and of course not always has it worked out the way I thought or hoped it would.
However, looking back at it, every time I did commit, it did work out. Possibly not exactly as planned by me, but the way it was supposed to be.
Is there such a thing as the fear of commitment or is it just a lame excuse to have the easy way out?
This could be the shortest article ever written, but if I am asking myself honest and straight up - If I like someone or something, am I prepared to commit to it? Yes.
If I kinda like something or someone, am I prepared to commit to it? Maybe, No, Yes, Maybe, No
But wait, there is more to it I believe and maybe we can shed some light into the greyish commitment zone as to why is it such a fearful place that we scared to enter.
The topics I am writing about are mostly based on experiences, whether they are my own or from people I am surrounded by - there is no scientific proof to it.
Relating to personal experiences sometimes make it easier to understand, reflect, compare.
Sharing experiences often helped me to see a path I might have not seen before.
Commitment gives many of us goosebumps, we like to know there is a way out, an exit strategy or emergency stop. With contracts, personal goals and relationships. A contract is a solid commitment but generally there are laws and regulations in place that protect us and give us exactly that - a way out. Personal goals, we just find excuses, they are easy to come up with and we are all full of them. (One day ill write a summary of all excuses I have heard as a coach, wow what a list that is) Next, relationships, no law, no excuses will help you here - and even tricker, there is another person. Another person with the exact same fears and challenges to commit.
But what does it actually mean to commit? Are you signing your life away? Will you never be able to get out and change? Is this the end of your freedom? Will your life change drastically in a way that you won’t recognize it anymore? Is it going to change you, your values, your core beliefs?
What do you think?
I think it’s a lie, a commitment does not mean any of the above - it does not mean it is going to change you, who you are and what your core values are.
A commitment is not there to make your life miserable, it is there to enrich your life. Committing doesn't mean you signing your life away, it means that, like when you chasing a goal in training, you setting your mind to it and you strive to be the best in what you do and get the best out of it for yourself.
That is commitment.
It is being seen and displayed as something threatening your life and freedom, the darkness that is taking away the light. Why? Its BS.
It is not the commitment we are fearing it is the repeat of something we have experienced before. Something that hurt and we don't want to have the same thing happening to us. What if it does work out though?
How often have you failed to hit your Personal Best in your race, struggled to get past your set limit. So many times. In training, tournaments, competitions we fail, but we don't just walk away and blame fear of commitment, we try again with everything we got and maybe even a little more. So why don't we do the same when meeting someone or signing a work contract?
I am guilty. I have used the commitment excuse myself before - and I have realized that it is insulting. One of the worst white lies there is. We are using the word commitment, in all its beautiful ways it can come, by abusing it as the easy way out.
Today I find. Committing is brave, it is strong, it is soft and beautiful. It is opening up a whole new world and whichever way it goes it offers new experiences and moments, that staying in your comfort zone will never be able to compete with.
When you are standing right in front of making a big commitment, you scared and aren’t sure.
Ask yourself what is the worst that can happen?
Write down your honest answers to that question.
Put them away.
Next day take them out again, read it, how big are they really?
How big are the challenges that might come with this new commitment?
This has been my absolute go-to-tool when I am dreading decisions, big decisions and every single time bringing it on to a piece of paper has helped me to visualize that the worst things that can happen are so much bigger in my head.
Give it a try, because on the other side of that decision might be something beautiful waiting for you.